It has been a difficult process to write this experience sharing. I’ve had many ideas, many feelings and many attachments revealed to me over and over again as I have helped to organize this experience sharing and tried to write this paper. It is the last-minute that I am finally able to get something that has a focus out onto paper.
In February shortly before going to Beijing to appeal in Tiananmen Square I memorized Teacher’s comment on another practitioners ideas: Also in a Few Words, because it spoke so clearly to me about the importance of righteous thoughts and the most essential way that we as disciples can help Teacher rectify ourselves and the cosmos. I felt as if I kept nothing else in mind but these words of Teacher that I would always know what to do.
“ Indestructible righteous faith in the cosmos’s Truth forms benevolent Dafa disciples’ rock-solid, Diamond-Like Bodies, it frightens all evil, and the light of Truth it emanates makes the unrighteous elements in all beings’ thoughts disintegrate. However strong the righteous thoughts are, that’s how great the power is. Dafa disciples are truly stepping forward out of ordinary humanness.” (Essentials for Further Advancement II)
We are one body. We must help each other and speak up when we see attachments and unrighteous thinking at work in each other. We should not be afraid of pointing things out. If something is not right in our environment, and we are witnessing it, there is a reason we are seeing it. It probably points to something within ourselves that is not right and needs to be righted. Throughout the course of planning/organizing this experience sharing I have functioned with some fear of seeming like I was controlling or pressuring people and this fear thus played itself out in the process manifesting itself as critical thoughts, worry or lack of focus and energy. At the same time while working with other practitioners I have seen this attachment in others but until recently I have failed to bring up what I have seen. A few days ago I was able to point out to another practitioner that I saw that she was not focused and that she seemed to have a fear of putting herself up front and leading the group and that these attachments were interfering with her ability to do Dafa work. I was able to do it without focusing on my self-interest in my heart, she heard what I said and she reflected back to me that she agreed with what I said I had seen in her. It was an act of kindness and also an act of taking responsibility for myself and for Dafa. It was communication more aligned with truth, compassion and tolerance. By speaking up I was helping her and myself.
We must emanate the light of Truth and Compassion in order to rectify what is not right. About a month ago a fellow practitioner pointed something out to me. This practitioner and I were driving together and somehow the topic of how I am critical of my husband came up. He stated briefly and calmly that he saw me often be critical of my husband in public. What he said opened my eyes quite a bit. Although up until then I was aware of this habit in myself of finding fault with my husband, I thought it was conveniently hidden from others. When this practitioner pointed this out to me he emanated the light of Truth on it and the evil behind my bad habit couldn’t stay hidden.
We must be determined in maintaining righteous thoughts. Keeping a righteous mind is not at all a passive process. I have come to more clearly see that “Indestructible righteous faith” will never be formed by passively waiting for my attachments to go away. The other day I was struggling with doubt in myself as a cultivator, a fundamental doubt I seem to keep holding onto. A fellow practitioner called me and I proceeded to tell her, while crying, that I was still struggling with doubt. I brought up a situation that she and I had experienced a few weeks earlier as if to validate my doubt. She quickly said she’d like to give me feedback and then told me how some things that I had said in the presence of a non-practitioner that indicated my doubt were in fact not helpful to the situation and may in fact have been harmful. Something she said (we did not have a chance to complete our conversation yet) made me see that this doubt was interfering with me, her and with Fa-rectification. I have struggled with doubt constantly; I have complained about it, analyzed it, made excuses for it, but have not fundamentally seen it for what it is – thought karma – that needs to be permanently and firmly eliminated. After my conversation with her and my sister’s suggestion to read the section on thought karma in Zhuan Falun it became clearer than it had ever been for me that doubt was a product of thought karma and was interfering constantly with me and others because I had not taken steps to firmly eliminate it. It’s like a fellow cultivator has said, we treat attachments as our pets that have to tag along with us rather than leaving them behind utterly and completely. I had been doing exactly that.
Working on this experiencing sharing conference and this paper has been a very good cultivation opportunity for me. I am more determined to completely eliminate doubt with righteous thoughts, communicate with truth, compassion and tolerance and help Teacher sweep the Cosmos clean.