After seeing Master Li in Los Angeles I am now a Dafa disciple who knows diamond like strength. To spread the Fa from within the Fa is a concept that is known from within. It manifests in each action I take. I know when I am acting within the Fa and when I am not. When I am not I leave loopholes within myself that allow the old forces to take advantage of me and I act out behavior that is not kind or compassionate.
While I was at the ranch I had the opportunity to see this so clearly. My husband and I were in the dinning hall and looking into what he calls Pandora’s storage room. When I opened the door I had a flood of emotion, longing and dissatisfaction, allowing an opening for the old forces. I know that they just wait for this opportunity. That led to ten minutes of non-seneschal conversation where I basically blamed my husband for all that has happened to us. I did this without raising my voice with the idea that I was being reasonable. I convinced myself I was not upset however taking a step back which in this case was taking a walk, I was able to quickly see my mistake. In the past I would stay in the upset mode by being hard on myself which again allowed the old forces to take advantage of me. Master told us in LA if you make a mistake pick yourself up and do better next time. Master states, “Of course, this undertaking hasn’t been completed yet, Fa-rectification hasn’t been concluded, so there’s still a chance for you to do well again. Indeed, as long as there’s still one day when the persecution hasn’t ended, that day is an opportunity. Use it well, do better, come back sooner, and don’t miss any more opportunities. Don’t dwell on your past mistakes—if you’ve made mistakes, then do well from now on. Don’t think about the things that have happened. Think about how to do well from now on, and become truly responsible to yourself and to sentient beings.” (“Touring North America to Teach the Fa”).
Once I gained control of myself I was able to hold the negative forces at bay however they haunted me the rest of the day. I continued to recite Lunyu over and over. Every time a negative thought would come forth I would recite Lunyu and eventually the negative forces gave up and I was no longer tempted. I was also sending forth righteous thoughts. I have realized that longing for and wishing for and missing someone (sentimentality) is also a loophole for the old forces. Each and every time I have a dissatisfaction I leave room for the old forces to flood me with negative thoughts about my life not being what it should be instead of being what I came here for, a Fa rectification Dafa disciple. Master says, “The true situation, as I see it, is that the evil old forces want to do what they want to. To do well is to not walk down the path arranged by the old forces; the goal is to not allow the old forces to take advantage of your gaps.” (“Teaching the Fa at the Washington D.C. Fa Conference”) Master also states, “So for the beings of the old cosmos, and this includes all the elements of beings, when it comes to the Fa-rectification and what I choose, all beings’ harmonizing and completing things according to my choices and contributing their best ideas and approaches–not to change what I want, but to harmonize and complete things according to what I’ve said–is the best thought a being in the cosmos could have. But the old forces haven’t been doing it that way. They’ve considered their choices the most essential, and have thought that everything I do should harmonize everything they want–they’ve completely reversed it.” (“Fa Lecture During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference“) Every time I allow the old forces to influence me I am not in harmony with Master. So I pick myself up and I do better the next time.
I am now aware of how quickly a single thought leaves room for negative action. Sometimes this happens before I realize what is going on. I am now more conscious and determined to catch these thoughts and eliminate them before they are allowed to manifest as words or actions.
I could never understand the diamond like faith that other Dafa disciples spoke of. I understood the concept in my mind but not in my heart. Spending that time in LA in the presence of Master allowed me to eliminate the doubt that I am here on Earth at this time to cultivate myself for the future cosmos. Master states, “I have truly borne for you the sins you committed over hundreds and thousands of years. And it doesn’t stop at just that. Because of this, I will also save you and turn you into Gods. I have spared no effort for you in this process. Along with this, since you’ll become Gods at levels that high, I have to give you the honors of Gods at levels that high and all the blessings that you need to have at levels that high. Never, from the beginning of time, has any God dared to do this. Something like this has never happened before.” (“Fa-Lecture During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference”) So how I understand this is: Dafa disciples are the future. What grand mercy Master has given us, when I really touch the meaning of this from within I am moved beyond words.
I am making the effort to hold Master in my conscious thoughts more. To hold the Fa in my conscious thoughts more. This balancing act is not really difficult but unknown. Remembering and staying conscious is difficult. After last summer and being so possessed with work and not making enough time for Fa study and practice, I am determined to not let this happen ever again. This lack of study affected all areas of my life and brought disharmony to my mind thoughts, and others, especially my marriage. My husband continues to be a mirror of my uncultivated self. I am a part of the future of the cosmos and I will to do a good job.
Clarifying the truth allows me to face the parts of myself that are still uncomfortable with speaking in public. I find myself shying away from approaching people not knowing just how to introduce Falun Dafa. I am sure the old forces wait to take advantage of those thoughts as well. Then I remember that this is part of saving sentient beings. I eliminate those messages by following through and taking action and thinking of new ways to spread the Fa. I never would have imagined the great compassion that arises when doing Dafa work. Balancing Dafa work, home life, making a living, sending forth righteous thoughts while cultivating and practicing is what Master has asked of us. He has given us all so much I know that I can find a way to succeed. Please point out any incorrect thoughts or statements.